Totality

Total Eclipse Day, in Total Eclipse Zone: Columbia, South Carolina

August 21, 2017 arrived as a perfect day, something difficult to pull off when there’s so much expectation, so much build-up, when there’s been so much prelude.

I mean there was a countdown graphic during the news, for heaven’s sake.

No wonder Tim and I could hardly believe our good fortune. We hadn’t needed to travel at all to experience the depths of mystery, and the heights of splendor as lovely Annie Dillard wrote in her classic essay, Total Eclipse. It was sunny and gorgeous and we were on the lake and our dear, dear friends were there, three boats-full. We were swimming, and laughing, and eating pimento cheese, and buoying it all was this magical (if unavowed) sublayer of thrill rising.

 

Then just like that it started, the carving out of the sun. Smaller than I expected. Slower, and less dramatic. And yet it was also more wondrous, more fascinating than I had ever considered.

Look at that, Mike, I said after a while. The shape is like the regular quarter moon but not. Because the dimensions are wrong. 

Even if I understood this, it actually took a minute for my brain to comprehend the fact the bright shining crescent I was seeing was the sun.

What time is it? someone hollered.

2:10

2:23

2:37

Then:

That temperature is dropping.

It’s getting darker.

Look at the light.

And finally

Two minutes to totality! 

 

That’s when the clouds came.

No, no, no, no, no, we all said, our breath getting shallow even if our hearts were joined in unbelief. (There was no way that could happen, right?)

Please, please, please, please, please, we thought, our hands moving unconsciously to our chests.

Not in prayer, exactly.

But not not in prayer either.

We looked to the sky. We looked to each other.

We looked all around.

2:41

It was happening. The sun and the moon and the earth were in perfect alignment. There would be 2 minutes 30 seconds of the nothing-like-it, once-in-a-lifetime magic of a total solar eclipse.

And all we were seeing was the big fat cloud covering it.

 

2:40 pm

 

It’s hard to describe the feeling of that moment, disbelief eclipsed by disappointment eclipsed by pollyanna who jumped in quick with a multitude of reasons this was not nearly as heartbreaking as it seemed.* I mean we’d seen most of it. 128 minutes worth. And I was on the lake, with friends, with a fantastic eclipse playlist. We were grilling hamburgers later. There was a red and white checkered tablecloth. Cindy made moon pies!

And then the thought came to me: God must want you to see something else, girl. Look around.

And so I did.

 

 

It was indescribable, the twilight, the colors of that lake and the horizon and the low clouds, experiencing sunset not from the west but sitting smack dab in the middle of it, 360 degrees, dusk in every direction. My friends were laughing, still having fun, each and every one looking in awe even if it was a bit more tempered.

 

 

(Plus you could look up at the sky without safety glasses. There was that.)

Then a hurray as the clouds began to part.

 

2:45 pm

 

The eclipse slowly reappeared, this time in reverse order. But totality was totally over.

It felt sad, too bad, like missing a field goal and wishing by golly you had one more shot at it, one more chance to get that ball through the uprights. We moaned a hot minute then carried on with our fun, getting another beer, another handful of pistachios, jumping back into the water one more time.

~~~~

When you get home later your precious daughter is there, telling you she saw it all, she’ll never be the same, the moment of totality left her weak-kneed and awe-stuck and changed. (I really am thrilled for her.) And you click on Instagram and see the corona and Bailey’s Beads and the diamond ring and the crescent shadows all over Columbia and the depth of your sadness begins to grow.

Seriously, God? is what you think.

It grows and grows.

It becomes a late game field goal in a tie in the Super Bowl.

It has no limits, your disappointment, now that you understand, now that you know.

It was right there, the glory and majesty and wonder of a Total Solar Eclipse.

Right there.

 

I cannot believe we did not get to see it.

 

XXOO

*Forgive me the indulgence of this sentence; I feel like I earned it.

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Totality

  1. Your words described it so well and I experienced it all over again as I read them! I was sad in the moment (for about two and a half minutes!) but I appreciate Leslie’s perspective. It was an amazing experience and I’m happy I was sharing it with you my friend.

  2. In all honesty, my treasured soul traveler, as cool as seeing the moon (almost) totally blocking the sun was, I thought the best thing was “experiencing” it. Just feeling the drop in temperature, seeing the dimming of the sun’s light all around, knowing we were in the “path of totality” without having to travel, and celebrating this amazing event with friends – that was the forever memory I’ll have. You can view some amazing photos of “totality” but you won’t be able to duplicate that “totality” feeling we enjoyed in the Midlands of SC. Y’all got it ?

    1. Thank you for this much healthier perspective on the experience. You are right, of course. I will keep reminding myself over and over and over!

  3. Wouldn’t have wanted to almost see a total eclipse with anybody but you my sistah! It was epic…

  4. So glad you put into words what I could not. I was also on the lake with friends and had the same experience with a cloud. Missing it was hard but hearing how it was the most amazing thing ever was even harder. But what I did see and who I experienced it with was priceless. The colors and sounds were incredible and then out of nowhere fish started to jump out of the water. It was so cool and then the hawks came out to catch the fish. We missed totality but we had an amazing experience together. We laughed about the cloud later in the day and then googled where the next eclipse will be. Looks like we will all be in Texas in 2024!

    1. I’m sorry for you, too–but so happy to hear about the jumping fish! If that happened around us I didn’t notice. But I could have missed it. I was quite mesmerized with the light and the clouds. The low ones along the horizon, at least! Thanks for commenting, Kimberley!

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